Snap!

SNAP JUDGEMENTS: WHY FIRST IMPRESSIONS COUNT

The human brain uses two very different strategies to make sense of situations. One is the conscious strategy. This strategy is logical and definitive, and it is familiar. But it is also slow and often requires a lot of information.
The second strategy is quicker. The brain reaches conclusions without immediately telling us that it is reaching conclusions. You may call it the intuitive strategy.

The part of the brain that supports the second strategy is called the adaptive unconscious. Think of it as a kind of giant computer that quickly and quietly processes a lot of the data we need in order to keep functioning as human beings.

Whenever we meet someone for the first time, whenever we react to a new idea, whenever we are faced with making a decision quickly and under stress, we almost always apply the second strategy.

Perhaps the most common- and the most important forms of rapid cognition are the judgements we make and the impressions we form of other people. Think of how you react when someone says to you, “I love you”. I imagine you looking into their eyes trying to judge their sincerity.

It is commonly believed that all important decisions must be analytically considered and thought through before a choice is made or an opinion is formed. However, I make bold to say that, sometimes introspections can mess up our reactions. The attempt to come up with a plausible-sounding reason for why we might like or dislike something often distorts our true preference.

If we get too caught up in the production of information, we may drown in the data. And often we realise that our certainty about our decisions become entirely out of proportion to the actual correctness of those decisions.

When we talk about analytic versus intuitive decision making, neither is good nor bad. What is bad is if you use either of them in an inappropriate circumstance. Our ability to solve problems is tied to our capacity to identify what circumstance requires either strategy.

Essentially, life requires us to make many snap decisions and judgements. It is therefore necessary for us to learn to make such decisions, and be good at it. Experience helps us become experts at using our behaviour and training to interpret and decode what lies behind our snap judgements and first impressions. Knowledge gives first impression resiliency.

There is a need to devise a way to structure our first impressions, create adequate vocabulary to capture them, and have the experience to understand them.

LOVERS OR FRIENDS 4

Dave ran into Nike on her way out of Juwon’s apartment. She looked startled and stuttered as she tried to greet him. He was surprised as well to meet her there, but was more confused that she was stuttering just to say hello. He remembered her from the other night at the dinner table, how she would not stop talking and making jokes about everything. He stood before her, holding the door knob, watching her lips flicker like a failing light bulb with no sensible words coming forth.

“Are you alright Nike,” He asked.

“I…I…I’m okay,” she managed to mutter as she struggled to collect herself.

“Alright and how is Kunle?”

“Kunle? O, Kunle, She’s…sorry, He’s fine as well. I’ll let him know you said hello.” She gathered herself and dashed off immediately.Dave watched her until she disappeared around the corner outside Juwon’s apartment.

He walked in and found Juwon seated and flipping through pages of a lifestyle magazine. She heard him come in and rushed to give him a big hug. “Wassup honey.”

“I’m fine o…wasn’t that Kunle’s girlfriend, Nike, I met at the door on my way in?”

“Nike, yes that was her, I hope you greeted her o?” She asked grabbing him by the arm.

“Yeah, I did, but she seemed rather off, like I was some ghost from her past or something even weirder.”

“Really…eh, maybe she wasn’t expecting to meet you here sha.” She pulled him to seat beside her.

“No, I think it was more than that. Something is really wrong with that lady, I noticed it that night we had dinner together but I still can’t quite place it.”

The deep concern in his voice and words reflected on his face and it made Juwon uneasy. She didn’t like that. Not that he was concerned, but that it made her uneasy. To her it made her seem out of control, and she hated that position. She had to find a way to get back in control.

“I think you are being too critical about her,” she said, letting go of his arm. That called his attention and he looked towards her.

“Critical? How do you mean?”

“Well, you hardly know her yet you seem to be certain that she is a crazy person.”

“Hey, C’mon, I haven’t called her crazy…”

“Yeah, not yet you haven’t said it, but you are already thinking it,” Juwon cut him off.

He was silently staring at her and she knew she was gradually getting to him. Her attempt to put him as far away from the truth as possible seemed to be paying off…

Please go here to read the rest: http://www.naijastories.com/2013/02/lovers-or-friends-4/

THE ECONOMICS OF DEATH: THE GOLDIE, REEVA STORY

Death is not a pleasant eventuality, but it is inevitable. But you know what’s rather funny, how people start listening when you’re dead.

Goldie Harvey, Nigerian hip-hop artiste and representative at the last Big Brother Africa Star Game reality show, passed away on February 14, Valentine’s Day. She had just returned from the United States where she attended the Grammy Awards.

The very next morning, as news about Goldie’s death started to settle in, there was another report of another death somewhere in South Africa, of someone I never knew existed.

Now, many of us remember the name Oscar Pistorius from the London Olympics, the South African sprint runner with double-knee amputations. He is currently facing ‘pre-meditated’ murder charges following the shooting of his 29-year-old model girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp, at his home.

I make bold to say that, like me, many other people prior to this unpleasant report, had no knowledge of the person that was Reeva Steenkamp. However, that has surely changed since this morning.

Please follow me closely. Goldie was an international star, emphasized largely by her participation in the Big Brother Reality Show. News of her death spread across the continent and beyond within the first hour of early reporting by trustworthy sources.

Reeva Steenkamp, a former FHM model and law graduate, was the face of Avon cosmetics in South Africa. She was a contestant on South African TV show “Tropika Island of Treasure 5” which is due to be broadcast for the first time this weekend.

This article deliberately ignores the intricacies surrounding both deaths, and focuses on what is to be expected from a rather economic point-of-view. Make no mistakes I beg you, this article is not in any way an attempt to make light the matter of their deaths nor seek to commercialise that; it merely describes what might happen based on similar events in the past.

Remember 2pac Shakur, it is reported that he sold 6 million albums while alive, but has sold over 30 million albums since his death in 1996. Already, Goldie’s songs have been rocking the airwaves and screens, as well as images and videos of her life as a celebrity. Maybe 2Pac’s story is far-fetched, remember DaGrin, Nigerian native Yoruba rapper who died in 2010, it is reported that his album sales increased immediately after his death.

I very much would like to see statistics of actual viewing as against initial projections following the airing of “Tropika Island of Treasure 5” that Reeva starred in. I am also looking forward to a tribute song in honour of Goldie Harvey, as well as rising figures for her album sale.

Death seems to make almost everyone suddenly so good and graceful. I am not suggesting that either Goldie or Reeva lacked goodness or grace, but it is typical to find people overly sympathetic and emotional in times of death.

If you ask me, I’d say let the life that we live be all that there is to define who we are. We should not seek to please the dead, nor portray them in unbefitting light; rather, let us only acknowledge their lives and the truth that they represented while they lived. We are not saints, whether in life or in death. We are humans.

LOVERS OR FRIENDS 3

Nothing is ever as it seems. Juwon is a classic example.

Kunle paced up and down the room, “I’m not sure how much longer I can keep this secret”. He nearly screamed. He punched the wall and let out a loud “Arggh!”

“Relax Kunle; he’s never going to find out if you just keep your mouth shut like you’ve always done!” Juwon yelled back at him.

She always spoke with intimidating certainty in her voice, always absent fear no matter how severe the matter was. It was her most distinguishing quality. Growing up with an Army General for a father surely was largely responsible.

“You need to have seen the way he stared at me today, Damn!” He walked towards her and pulled her close. “Juwon, please, let’s tell him the truth and move on with our lives.”

She looked him straight in his eyes and said, “No, this is the way it has to be. Dave will never know about our little secret. He will propose to me, I will say yes, and our little secret will remain what it is.”

“And what if I no longer want this?” Kunle didn’t take his eyes off the ground. He couldn’t. Juwon was silent for a while, staring at him in utter disbelief and with a certain kind of disgust…

Please go here to read the rest: http://www.naijastories.com/2013/02/lovers-or-friends-part-3/

LOVERS OR FRIENDS 2.

Dave’s stare shifted from Nike whose mouth didn’t stop moving, to Kunle who kept stealing glances at him, and then to Juwon who seemed to be the most pleased about Nike’s presence at the dinner table. Juwon laughed out loudly at Nike’s jokes, and when she wasn’t laughing at her jokes, she would caress Dave’s arm as she stared at her with a certain fixation – a look of adoration.

That was the first time Dave met Nike, at the dinner he had planned to ask Juwon to marry him. But it wasn’t really the first time he was seeing her.

Kunle was mostly calm and quiet, except when Nike’s jokes were so funny then he’d let out an exaggerated chuckle, and that was it. Something about him suggested that he really wanted Dave to believe that he and Juwon had only explored love within the boundaries of friendship, and nothing more. He wanted so badly for Dave to accept that he was not a threat to his relationship with Juwon.

Dave took a row call with his eyes going around the table. He looked at Kunle who had been gazing at him. He held his gaze for a short while, until Kunle yielded and resulted to playing with his fingers. Next stop was Nike, something about her naturalness and free spirit made him sceptical, like she was acting some rehearsed script. If that was the case, she was certainly a damn great actress, he thought….

Please go here to read the full story: http://www.naijastories.com/2013/02/lovers-or-friends-part-2/

LOVERS OR FRIENDS.

He was going to propose to her. He had everything planned out. The engagement ring, the restaurant, his line; every aspect was considered and taken care of. He called her to confirm the meeting, she had tests in school the next week, but they agreed that he should come pick her up by 7 pm that evening.

Juwon met Dave about a year ago, at a seminar in the University. Dave was a guest speaker and Juwon kept asking very brilliant questions, he was impressed and asked to answer all her questions over lunch. She agreed, and the rest is history as they say.

One year after, Juwon is in her final year studying Economics at the University of Lagos. In a couple of months, she and her best friend, Kunle, will become graduates and go on to pursue their individual dreams. They had been great friends for a while. They grew up together, attended same schools and always enjoyed each other’s company. They never saw each other beyond that point of being ‘just friends’, but it was hard explaining so to everyone, every time.

Dave knew about Kunle, he knew that he and Juwon were best of friends and he respected that, but he couldn’t deny that it bothered him a little. When he walked into Juwon’s room that evening, he saw Kunle sprawled on the floor in his boxer shorts, with books and sheets of paper scattered about the place. As he was taking that scene in Juwon stepped out of the bathroom with her towel wrapped around her wet body. She smiled at him slightly but he just stared on. She looked around and immediately realised the concerns on his mind at that moment. Dave walked out of the room as Kunle began to put on his clothes and prepared to leave….

Go here to read the rest http://www.naijastories.com/2013/02/lovers-or-friends/

Reflections Of Sunshine (Naija Stories – Best Short Contest).

a narrative piece describing a unique case of unrequited love. In this case, the narrator acknowledges a desire to love back, but can’t seem to conclude if it’s really love or just empathy.

 

I.

Life is a moment. Hereafter is uncertain. People die of common sense, or a lack of it, one lost moment at a time. I know this because I have experienced what it’s like to lose someone, one moment at a time.

This is the true story of my very great love. In the hope that she will not read this and hate me, I have withheld many revealing details: her name, how we met and any telling information about her. All the same, I cannot help but write this for her. To tell her:
“I am sorry for every word I said and wrote to change you, or how you felt about me. I’m sorry for many things. I could not see you when you were here. And now that you are gone, I see you everywhere.”

Haven experienced her disappearance, I am now conscious of how important it is for people to be seen.

She came to me wholly herself. I was just lucky enough to be there to catch her. If only it were possible to love without injury; fidelity isn’t enough. The hurt is in the act of possession. We are too small in mind and body to possess another person without pride, or to be possessed without humiliation. Continue reading

THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX? NO SIR!

Try to create a number without using figures 0-9. Difficult? Alright, now try to think of an alphabet outside A-Z. Impossible?

What this establishes is that, as humans, we have been primed in a way that confines the scope of our reasoning within a definite system. We really cannot create anything new as it were, and this naturally makes useless the charge that asks us to ‘think outside the box’.

There is indeed a limit to knowledge and everything else that we have considered limitless, but the magnitude of such is beyond the capacity of human kind. Thus, it is actually the inadequacy of human kind that presents the limits that characterizes us.

Everything is contained in something else, something correspondingly bigger than what is contained in it. In my opinion, there really is no ‘thinking outside the box’, we just don’t know how big the box is. There is also not a chain of boxes of different sizes that one has to keep breaking-out and breaking-in, in a continuous cycle. No. There is ultimately only one box which we all must break out from, willingly or unwillingly, and it is called life. Continue reading

PIECES OF ME [Vol 1].

No. I will not use that form of address. That is a relic of childhood. This blog will convey details of my journey and progress as a Writer, and as a man. I will share relevant facts. I will be as objective and unflinchingly self-critical as possible. I will try not to be distracted by the bustle of this city. I will not allow emotion to colour my perceptions.

Ask anyone, there are many thoughts that come into our minds which we are not aware of, at the time we are doing the thinking. Feelings can be even worse.

It is 1:12am and I am burning. I have to live. I have to write. I want to transform myself into a thousand different characters and carry their life with me onto pages of books, screens of computers and various mobile devices.

It is amazing, just knowing there are thousands of people out there waiting to be swept away by the passion that is about to flood out from scarlet curtains.

I can give no more than all of myself. My heart is a burning flame and my pen is the vessel like a lit candle. It has to burn and glow. There’s too much to say, too much fire, and what can I do with these words if I can’t write them out. It is not just the writing. There is the burning. Continue reading

pieces of me

SUM OF MY PARTS [VOL 1]

First posts for new platforms are always pretty difficult to come through, no matter how long you’ve been in the game. The thought of having a new set of readers, with a new taste for literary creativity; the urge to thrill them and earn their respect quickly, grips the Writer’s mind. I have however learnt that good writing does not succeed or fail on the strength of its ability to persuade. It succeeds or fails on the strength of its ability to engage you, to make you think, to give you a glimpse into someone else’s head- mine and that of many characters in my writing.

My ‘cross’ as a Writer remains to find some sort of consistency with the progression of my craft. In a society such as I find myself in, that cross is made heavier to carry. It is difficult to balance the realities of ‘surviving’ in Lagos, and being a Creative Writer. I’ve had to find a way to ‘commercialise’ my writing, and do that without much loss of my creative writing essence.

Everyday I make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there is continually stretched out before me an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. I perceive the journey might have no end. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb. Continue reading